The Second Opinion

October 17, 2008
A lot of catching up to do!! I have completely changed my course of treatment. The past several days have been a flurry of Dr. Appointments, tests, port placements, STRESS, anxiety, and my favorite, anticipation. I went to another surgeon for a second opinion. This Dr. also happens to be my parents neighbor and works with many Dr.s I know through my job. So the personal connection is there. AND this new surgeon happens to work with a team of women that are amazing! Young, VERY current and cutting edge in the literature, new approaches which brings me to my complete change. I am skipping the lumpectomy, starting with chemotherapy and in February I will be getting my bilateral mastectomy.

When I went to surgeon #2, now #1, she told me about this new approach of chemo before surgery, neo adjuvent chemotherapy. This made so much sense to me. Kill everything possible first then perform the bilateral and reconstructive surgery. Only one surgery and no radiation, unless of course there are positive nodes.

Getting to this point was a struggle. Informing my previous surgeon's office was nerve racking. I felt loyal to her but my new surgeon and oncologists approach is so logical to me. The two new physicians have an incredible report with each other. My confidence in their knowledge is off the charts (no pun intended).

So, less than 2 weeks after my second opinion appointment I had my port placement. Not so easy, it is surgery, you are SORE after and the pain meds are crucial. Forget sleeping comfortably for at least 3 weeks.

And today, October 17th I have received my first chemotherapy treatment. Right now I feel as if I am sitting in the calm before the storm but I actually feel OK. Mom, my rock, my best friend, my biggest advocate, sat in the transfusion room with me for 8 hours not once complaining about the shitty ass little chair she had to sit in. She so comforted me and gave me the strength to laugh and make the most out of the quality time we had together today. She is my hero.

I love my girls, they are so beautiful and each one is supportive in their own meaningful ways. The day I had my surgery for the port placement I came home pretty beat up. My middle child sensed my pain and grogginess immediately and cleaned the entire house LITERALLY from top to bottom. She did not do this act of kindness to receive accolades, she did it simply to help me feel better. Such a beautiful selfless act of kindness. My oldest sat on my bed and rubbed my feet and shared positive, uplifting, kind conversation with me. The foot rub she gave me allowed me to release tension from the rest of my body. The way she rubs my feet is so intuitive, she can identify pressure points and it literally feels like all the built up stress just releases with every thoughtful stroke of her fingers. It helped me to fall off into a very restful sleep. And my baby, she is so concerned and yet too young to know what she can do to help. She has been VERY clingy and is always asking bout how the Dr. is going to make me better. I have more to catch up on but am ready to sleep after this first day of chemo, one down 3 more to go. Good Night!

Life Is Beginning to Feel More Normal

Life is beginning to feel more normal. The people who make up my support system are amazing. Of course my fabulously talented surgeon #1, the confident, peaceful, calm, reassuring air she walks into the room with is like hitting the refresh button for me. After I talk to her I can walk out of her office knowing I will Kick this.

And then there is my Mom. Funny, they used to call her father "The Rock." That rings true for her as well. No matter what is going on in her personal (like what is that?) life she drops everything to go with me to EVERY appointment. She made phone calls to get me into the surgeon I wanted my second opinion from. She acts so tough but I can see this is eating her up inside. De ja vu from when she did all of the same things for her sister. She (my Mom's sister) was 36 at diagnosis and 38 at death. I am 39, haunting because we were both diagnosed with lumps on the left side after our third child. That and the age thing. Thank God for the 20 years plus of research that has occurred since we lost my Aunt. Technology and what we know now is dramatically different. Either way I am me and not her. Mom is my Rock and without her I would be a dramatically different person.

My Husband, I know when I am out of commission becuase of my surgeries he will make it all work. He has been crazy with organizing the household. I am so grateful for every little and big thing he can do. He is scared too, I can tell.

My father is scared into his normal state of avoiding talking directly about what is going on. That is fine, he will come around, it just takes him time to formulate what he thinks will be a successful approach to handling something WAY out of his comfort zone.

My two brothers, if every I had a doubt about the depth at which they love me.... The come to visit any chance they get.

My sister in-law (Married to My Brother MTMB), My sista!!! I have so enjoyed having her as my sista. Supportive, helpful, fun, she covers the gamut! She drags my ass out to have fun, I love her for that.

My former boss and fabulous friend with his two word philosophy on how I will handle this. Humor and Confidence Humor and Confidence Humor and Confidence Humor and Confidence

We had lunch today. Funny how in times of crisis, I don't like that work but, you find out how your best friends are. He fits in that category.

My colleagues at work, my Board Members, people who I work near and dear with. My wonderfully supportive neighbors. I am so lucky I have my dream family house to be sick and recover in. My beautiful girls are in as close to ideal school & day care situation / environemtn as I could imagine.

My friends from the girls previous day care. These people love my children as if they are their blood. I hope I never lose sight of how lucky I am to have all of these beautiful people around me.